Sometimes we don’t need to know in order to really understand.
Life is very unexpected. We can assume or hope for the best in each day, but we have no control over the circumstances which awaits us in the time ahead. We only have control over our actions, responses, and intellectual process of it all. It is important to not be consumed by all the hustle and bustle of everything around us, but instead, take time to breathe and reconnect with your inner-self.
During this time of self-reflecting, mind-renewing, and change-making, I will consider my past experiences and learn from them. I will apply what I have learned to my future and change my perceptions and the way I live out my life, so others may see the positive that can come from negative situations.
As I cried in my bed this morning trying to understand what I did, why this happened, and what I should have done differently, I searched my heart deeply to find the real reason as to why I was upset. I realized that I wasn’t upset because I did not have answers or closure to this situation that was happening in my life. I was upset for a more devastating reason. One that has been near and dear to my heart since the day I was born.
Empty My Soul, by Jonathan David and Melissa Helser was playing in the background as I was sobbing from the pain within me. As I continued to search my heart, looking for answers, I finally reached the bottom. I fell to my knees and wept. “I’m so sorry” came trembling from my lips. Then the most soothing, patient, and loving voice I have ever heard in my life permeated the space around me. His voice was the most beautiful sound in the entire world and I was thankful to be in His presence once more.
As I laid there, helpless, broken, and confused, Jesus said, “Jerrika, you will always be my daughter and I will always love you no matter what”. He held me in His arms and ran His fingers through my hair. With His loving arms wrapped around me, holding me tight, He said, “You’re okay. I have big plans for you. You just have to trust Me.” I took a moment to embrace this feeling of peace and comfort. I gathered my thoughts and finally said, “Forgive me for not putting you first. I know that I fall into this trap every time and I get the same results. I am lost without You. I am nothing and I have nothing without You.” He looked into my eyes, smiled, kissed me on my forehead and said, “So let’s go”.
I don’t need to piece the puzzle together to understand. How can you when all the pieces are scattered and can’t be found? With Jesus, none of that matters. I find my answers in Him. I’m letting go of my past transgressions, and renewing my heart, mind, and soul in Christ. Romans 12: 2 states, “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect”. My love for Christ, what He did for me on the cross, and His unfailing and never ending love for Me is what keeps me going each day. My story isn’t over yet; I will continue with Christ in my life, forever and always.