As I am driving home from work, I take the usual way just like any other mundane night. Though every other night is pretty much the same for me, tonight was different. As I was driving, I had a lot on my mind. More so than the typical stresses of life. This feeling wasn’t just effecting my thoughts but was also impacting my heart.
Rewinding to a few months ago, I have been struggling with my emotions. Relationships/friendships with guys have been like a roller coaster for me. I’ve been hurt a lot in the past by men which makes it more and more difficult for me to trust them, or anyone for that matter. I’ve come to realize, in spite of my experiences, that you truly cannot trust anyone because when you let your walls down completely, you find yourself broken, hurt, and lonely. I can’t say this is true for every one in the world, but it has been so far with my experiences.
I can feel my heart continuing to become harder and bitter because of all the pain I have gone through. I feel as if my compassion for others is becoming non-existent and my attitude towards life, sour. I don’t like it, but I feel like I can’t help it. It’s the only way to protect myself from being hurt again. It’s my defense mechanism in order to keep others far away from my heart. As I am doing this to the world and people around me, I’ve realized that I am also doing this to Jesus, my Best Friend.
I continue to distance myself from others which is also causing a wall between Christ and I to be formed. He is the only one who knows how to help me. He knows every secret in my life and understands me completely. He knows how to handle every situation, good or bad, that I am in. So why do I build this wall up? Why keep Christ away when He is only good to me? He has done nothing but love me and that is all He will ever do, forever.
Often times we are consumed by the busyness of the world. We forget to stop and smell the roses and neglect to appreciate the life we are given and the things that surround us. When we become so engrossed in our emotions and try to find satisfaction, acceptance, and love from so many different things and people that only provide what our heart desires temporarily, we forget the one place that offers an abundance of love and affection, from the One who truly matters.
He is my Home, my Safe Place, my Rock, my Best Friend. He’s the only one who knows how to steady my heart. He is always by my side no matter how far I stray.
“I will always wait for you, My beautiful, precious daughter. Always and forever.”
Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. -Proverbs 4:23
And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall guard your hearts and your thoughts in Christ Jesus. -Philippians 4:7